How to Shorten Your Life

           A lot of you know the story of Mr. Green – actually both Mr. Greens. These are the nicknames we give the old bucks that made our green stuff for us. The green stuff is the gauges and devices we sell in the catalog that are made from green anodized aluminum. They hang on the ends of all the shop benches. Unfortunately, the first Mr. Green was quite old and caught the west bound train. The next Mr. Green was not much younger and in a matter of years, he got his ticket punched. The same fate was suffered recently by the guy that cast our bronze chairmaker hammer heads. There’s a pattern here and perhaps explains why we had so much trouble finding a third Mr. Green and a new brass founder. Life insurance companies won’t issue policies to our suppliers.

            The new Mr. Green is fairly young and we hope he will be around for a long time. Our new brass founder seems to have a few years left in him. The new Mr. Green is steadily restocking us with things that have been out of stock for some time. He recently delivered the drill stops so many of you have desired. They are the same as the ones you used in class. However, they are green and a bit prettier. They come in a set of three — 5/8″, 9/16″, and 3/8″ — the sizes of the most common blind holes in chairs. The sets are $55.

This week we received a delivery of chairmaker hammer heads. Don has already mounted most of them on their handles. So, if you have been waiting for a chairmaker’s hammer, you can order those too.

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            David Lane was in the July 9 sack back class. David is a librarian and works with young readers, especially boys. He was interested in the eight-book series of young-teen adventure novels I recently completed and that I am about to try and publish. He sent me the following text. It is a spoof of synopsis that would be found on a book’s dust jacket or rear cover.

Johnny Windsor and the Pommelator 

Join young Johnny in his fight for justice against that arm and leg-splaying alien madman, the Pommelator! Travel to new worlds in his self-navigating compass plane, piloted by his short but tough companion Stump whose own people, the razor sharp Scorps, were tossed from the seat of power eons ago by the Spindle People, recruited with flair by the rakish General Meade, Pommelator’s right hand man. “We’re not takin’ this sittin’ down!” shouts Stump as he and young Windsor race into battle. With barely a leg to stand on can these two heroes defeat the well-armed villain?!

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